The Ready Groom: Provider and Protector | Rejoice, Beloved

?Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.? Proverbs 18:22

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Do we go into marriage sober-minded, or as the world would, with blind feverish passion?

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In the last post of this two-part series, the topic of marriage readiness as it relates to the groom was addressed.? We explored the identities of the Priest and the Prophet, figuratively speaking, as 2 indicators of a man?s readiness for marriage.? There are two other indicators that are worth noting and those are regarding the Provider and the Protector.

As previously mentioned, there is a growing perception that marriage readiness relies on an age, a milestone, or a rite of passage?on a sequence of events in a person?s life.? We should know that age is irrelevant and that life really isn?t about cycles, like this world insists it is (i.e.: grade levels, age requirements for certain privileges, etc.)? As a society, we want a number to give us an answer for when things should begin in our lives, or end for that matter.? However, on the topic of marriage, scripture does not point to an age number for marriage readiness.

Let?s look at the last two attributes a man should possess that will be telling of his readiness to get married:

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Provider

A good indicator of whether a young man is ready for marriage is on the topic of provision.? Is he ready to provide? ?Does he have a work ethic? ?Will he do whatever it takes to provide the needs of his family?? Has he been tried and tested in this area?? Has he demonstrated surrender to what God has him do for a life vocation, a job, a home business?

?But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. ?? 1 Timothy 5:8

The responsibility here for the husband is one of commitment.? It is a great calling for the husband to care for his wife.

Many potential grooms perceive provision like this: I have ABC skills and abilities to get a job and my bride has XYZ skills and abilities and together we can attain a certain lifestyle.?

This perception is not biblical because it begs the question of why a man would want his wife to share his curse when he can?t possibly share in hers?? Biblically, a man should be delighted to take care of his wife whilst not looking to see what he can get out of her.? He shouldn?t look at his bride and ask, What can I squeeze out of you?? On the other hand, he should look at his bride and ask, What can I provide to you and for you?

He is called to be the provider, thus, all else will take care of itself by the hand of God:

?And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing.?? 1 Thessalonians 14: 12-13

This scripture is indeed a far cry from our current culture that tells new grooms and brides that attaining 6 months of income to keep up with a certain lifestyle is necessary to make provision a victory.? First, a man needs to have a job, a work ethic.? A man with a work ethic equates him to doing whatever it takes to provide for his family.? A man without a work ethic will confine himself to what he believes is always right for him and thus trump God?s rightful honor to bless the groom as He sees fit, that he ?may have lack of nothing.?

?Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.?? Proverbs 6: 6-11

A man with an inheritance who is lazy can provide, but in time, it will all be gone.? If all a bride looks at is what can be accumulated and not how it can be accumulated, then she misses out on what is scriptural: to give God the glory in all that He gives, not because she works hard or is a good person, but because God is good:

?And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.?? Colossians 3: 23-24?

This scripture speaks of what our goal should be for our work.? Far too many times, couples want to find that one thing that will make them happy in their life vocation, but it will never work since it is self-indulgent deception.? As I think about this, I recall how my husband never finished college.? He was working in the aerospace industry at the time of our courtship and was laid-off.? Thus, he was unable to fund his studies.? He withdrew from college and resumed working full-time in order for him to provide what was needed for us to marry.? It was a big decision for him to have to make, but it was his heart for God that compelled him to ask whether pursuing his education was to be placed above pursuing marriage.? He was truly tried and tested in this area during our courtship and we know that many Christian couples are confronted with the same question.? It oftentimes is weighed in the balance in this manner:

• Is it worth it to put a (pagan) education first and above what is better: God?s purpose for the rest of your life?a marriage union that you have prayed for?

• Is delaying marriage and pursuing a long courtship a good idea?? After all, it only tempts your flesh and delays God?s blessing upon what He has ordained and chosen for you.? If you trust God in all things as a believer, why would some areas of your life be an exception to the rule?

My husband took jobs like painting Victorian homes in the bay area along with working in other temp jobs entering data.? He was indeed proven by God that he would do whatever it took to provide.? It was plain to see that he would be a good husband to me and a qualified provider for our family in marriage because he wasn?t afraid to surrender it all to God in this area.

Let?s remember that a young man who provides will eventually plan to take care of his wife and his children when they come.

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Protector

The final good indicator of whether or not a young man is ready for marriage is on the topic of whether or not he is a protector.? Is he wise, or foolish?? Does he have personal strength?? Is he courageous to face life?s challenges?? Does he see his wife as a competition or as a weak vessel that needs to be protected?? Will he stand in between danger and his family and risk his life for those he loves?? If he is ready for all this, then he is ready to take a wife.

I saw this characteristic in my husband and I knew he would be a great protector because he always guarded my heart.? He made sure that my walk with the Lord was priority and pointed me to the scriptures for guidance and direction.? He was a wonderful teacher of the word and knew that it was his responsibility, even during our courtship, to protect my relationship with the Lord.? That was one that needed to be first, above my relationship with him.? He lead me to a sound church when I moved back home to southern California from the bay area.

Also, during our long distance courtship, my husband was a protector by right away addressing his intentions of our courtship to my mother.? He placed emphasis on doing things right for our courtship and never excluding my mother from it, nor his parents.? It was really important to have their mutual blessing from the very start.? My husband brought his parents to meet my mother and to discuss his intentions before them.? This also solidified accountability and commitment to protecting holiness and virtue as we began to illustrate our picture of Christ. The introduction from my husband went something like this: ?I am glad to meet with you, and I am here to talk to you about your daughter.? I am interested in her.? I want to protect your daughter?s heart even from me.? You can determine what you?d like on how we can conduct our courtship and that will be respected and followed.?

O, but that is so old-fashioned, so many would say?even Christian couples!? But I would always beg to differ because I see the fruit to this very day?12 years after having met my husband, courted, married, grown a family?of our purpose to do things right.? God honors it and it honors Him.? Who wouldn?t want that! ?Yes, it might be old-fashioned in the culture, but it is the right thing to do in a Christian courtship because far too many young women are in tears and in relationships that are fractured because there are no safety nets.? There is no righteousness and no blessing from those that can guide, protect, and make one accountable in this critical time of a person?s life.

As I look back on our courtship, I am blessed by how God conducted it with the instruments of our parents. ?It is a blessing to me to know just how God brought us together.? No, we didn?t meet when we were little.? He was raised in Christian household, I was not.? We met in the Spring of 2000 and married in January of 2003.? We had a short courtship (by some standards).? Many thought we were just on time to marry (since we were in our late 20?s); however, many others thought we needed to take more time, since the conventional, worldly courtship seems to last a decade!? But my beloved and I did not want to pursue a long courtship since we were determined to find God?s answer to a long held petition we had for a marriage partner.? Moreover, as you may or may not know, the longer the courtship, the more disposed people are to sexual sin.? This is no secret.? Just look at some of the mighty men of the Bible:

• Solomon was a wise man
• David was a godly man
• Sampson was a strong man

All these mighty men fell into sexual sin, no matter how wise, godly, or strong they were.? It is foolish to believe that a long courtship can possibly withstand sexual sin.? Can anyone truly say in this day and age that they are stronger than these men were?? This is why a groom must demonstrate that he is a protector of her heart, and her walk with the Lord.

?And I looked, and rose up, and said unto the nobles, and to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, Be not ye afraid of them: remember the Lord, which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses.?? Nehemiah 4:14

Early on, a groom must demonstrate the ability to be a protector.? If he will protect his bride?s heart, he will protect the rest of her.? Otherwise, there is doubt.? He must be a man of personal strength; of sound mind and body; wise and not foolish.? He must be a man of courage.? If he can demonstrate this in the courtship, then he will demonstrate it as a husband.? He will be able to protect her from any instances in which she compromises her faith to get ahead in her ambitions, or in which she risks her testimony for the Lord in the face of cowardice. ?He must be a strong man of God to lead his wife in particular down the righteous path and not fall complacent to the norms of the culture and of the world?s expectations. ?A challenging feat for the Christian.

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Fully Proven

?Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; scripture.?? Ephesians 5:25

Christ gave himself for the church and likewise, a groom that is ready for marriage will be proven as a provider, that is, he will do whatever it takes to surrender his own needs or wants for those of his family.? As a protector he will put himself in between his family and anything that would do them harm.? Also, as a prophet, and priest, figuratively speaking, will he represent God in front of his family and will he represent his family in front of God, respectively?

It is not necessary to approach marriage as a marker after college/ grad school.? This notion is a cultural norm, but indeed it is artificial because it does not reside in scripture.? We cannot say that graduating from college is what proves marriage readiness.? How many times have you met young 18 year olds that are more ready for marriage than 30 year olds?? There is a reason why this happens and it only proves that age is not a factor really in the grand scheme of life and marriage.

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Source: http://rejoicebeloved.wordpress.com/2012/09/09/the-ready-groom-provider-and-protector/

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